CrossFit, Weighted Vests, and the Radical Act of Just Showing Up
I’ve been walking to CrossFit lately wearing a weighted vest. It’s part workout, part stubborn ritual and 100% a warmup. I’ve done weighted hiking and running since 2003—but I love that I am not the only weirdo with a weight vest! I honestly believe that my vest is part of why I was so fit when I ran my first 50-miler. But now? I wear it through my neighborhood, feeling half-embarrassed when people ask about it, and half-proud that I’m still out here trying.
I don’t go to CrossFit to compete or perform. I go because it feels good to be in a space where no one needs anything from me, I am doing something to help promote feeling like myself again and everyone is just so freaking encouraging. I pretty much modify every single workout and I can’t do the full WOD right now. I know it’ll take me years to get to the point of snatching 65 pounds for sets of 15, 12, and 10 with burpees in between. But that’s okay.
I’ve let the last 5 years take years off my life in stress and lack of exercise and far too much wine.
The other day, I finished a workout and sat on the cold concrete outside the gym, rain pouring down in sheets, my sweaty butt soaking through my shorts. I just sat there and thought about how far I have to go—and how much closer I already am, just by showing up. The coach must have given me 5 or 6 high-fives that day alone.
That’s the thing no one tells you when you’re clawing your way back to yourself: It’s not about where you used to be. It’s about where your feet are planted now. Or your butt! Just know you will leave a butt print on the concrete when you get up.
I used to run 50 miles. Today, I walked /ran (because I was late) to class in the rain and did what I could. And that was enough, but I crave more. Time is indeed my limiting factor. But time and exhaustion used to be my limiting factor, the exhaustion is getting a little better. Time also got better with kids on summer break.
If you find yourself stuck and are maybe in a situation similar to mine, I am going to tell you it’s ok to sleep. After years of only sleeping 2 or 3 hours and then being awake for 4 or 5 hours and unable to sleep. I was destroyed.
I’ve been prioritizing sleep. But also getting up at 5 am. But when I first started, I couldn’t. I needed that last hour of sleeps much. But at some point, you have to put yourself to bed and then wake up when that alarm goes off. This is the only way to have MORE hours in the day.
Weight lifting over running. Though I love running. I need to use these years to build more muscle and maybe you do too. The walk before lifting gives me a little pick me up.
No one needs to know what I need to lose, but I am happy to share what I plan to gain - me. I plan to to gain so much of me. I hope you’ll join me on your own journey.
