Spring Ahead

Mar 12

Yesterday was the last Saturday ski lesson for our daughter. And spring break starts next week. My husband will be home for two weeks shortly thereafter to enjoy the break with us and celebrate our daughter's birthday. The weeks with him gone, which totally 46 weeks out of the year, require a lot of "power through" moments and lots more "chill the heck out" moments for myself. Thankfully my husband is a good listener because I complain to him, a lot. But then I feel so much better. Truthfully, the weeks apart are hard on all of us.

Over the years, I have looked forward to his returns with great anticipation, lots of cleaning and a boost on the personal grooming. But I have also noticed that as his arrival date nears, I get really tired...like so tired I can barely make it through the afternoon without a huge jolt of caffeine, the amount that leaves me unable to sleep and therefore propelling a cycle of exhaustion. The extra boost in cleaning hours coupled with the anticipation of help brings on a euphoric state and desire for rest. Nico is too young to understand the cycles of his father's return, but our daughter is fully aware and her behavior reflects it. She gets excited but it's also coupled with melancholy for the looming departure date - BEFORE he even gets here. It's a lot for a child of 6 to handle.

She's at an age where a lot of emotions are flying around but she has incredible control over her reactions to such big emotions. We have a lot of experience with this lifestyle and I know to watch for these big emotions in the weeks leading up to his arrival, and typically the first three to four days of adjusting to him being here and then the last three to days of his stay and then for a week or two after. It requires extra patience and love on my part and just listening to her sadness about him leaving, to her dissatisfaction with me because I am always here and he's not, to difficulties with her school friendships.

These last few months have been particularly difficult as her schedule is jam packed and we embarked on a 100 day Suzuki violin challenge that is both building a good practice habit but also peeling away some of her protective layer and exposing some really deep emotions about the busy-ness of life. Thank goodness she is comfortable enough with me to voice her frustrations but also that she LOVES knitting!!! It's incredibly relaxing for her as it should be and since we both love it, it gives us something to talk about outside of me telling her to put away her laundry, or pick up her shoes or turn off the tv.

Knitting is a lot like baking has become for me. I really enjoy it in part because I need to feel my kids and while I love knitting, the time spent knitting doesn't get dinner on the table any more quickly. Here I am, up at 3:45 (yay Spring Ahead...not really, but I do love the fall time change), I've already got a Norwegian Coffee Cake bread from the Tassajara bread book started, have consumed one cup of coffee and fantasized about a really deep and restful sleep 35.6 times. And thankfully a few days after my husband returns, I'll get one or more of those restful days because they recharge me just enough to keep on going 46 weeks out of the year with no help (except for playdates - which totally saves my bacon from time to time).

Today is our rest day. And the kids will wake to the smell of baking cardamom and orange peel in a wonderful Norwegian Coffee Cake, strawberries and bacon!